Bullying is not just something that happens to older kids on the playground—it can start as early as preschool. While toddlers and young children are still learning how to socialize, repeated aggressive behavior can quickly turn into bullying. And for a small child, being bullied can be overwhelming.
If your child is facing bullying at preschool, they need support at home and in the classroom. It’s important to step in quickly, talk to the preschool, and help your child learn strategies to handle the situation. Let’s break down how to identify and address bullying in the preschool years.
What is Bullying in Preschool?
Not all rough behavior among toddlers is bullying. Preschoolers are still learning how to interact, share, and communicate. If a child pushes another to get a toy or has a tantrum when things don’t go their way, it’s not necessarily bullying—it’s normal behavior for their age.
Bullying, on the other hand, is different. It is:
Intentional – The child means to hurt, intimidate, or exclude another.
Repeated – It happens more than once and targets the same child.
Power-driven – There’s an imbalance where the bully has more control or dominance.
Bullying can take different forms:
Physical – Hitting, pushing, tripping, or taking things from another child.
Verbal – Teasing, name-calling, or making threats.
Social/Relational – Excluding someone from play, spreading rumors, or encouraging others to ignore them.
How Bullying Affects Preschoolers
Preschool is where children start learning social skills, building friendships, and understanding emotions. Being bullied at this stage can make a child feel anxious, lonely, or even afraid to go to school. Some common signs that a child is being bullied include:
Becoming withdrawn or unusually quiet
Frequent crying or tantrums before school
Changes in eating or sleeping habits
Complaints of stomachaches or headaches
Avoiding certain children or activities
Sudden loss of confidence
If you notice these signs, it’s time to step in and find out what’s going on.
Talking to Your Child About Bullying
The first step is to have a calm, reassuring conversation with your child. Here’s how to approach it:
Choose the Right Time – Find a quiet moment when your child is relaxed, such as after a bath or during bedtime.
Ask Simple Questions – Instead of “Are you being bullied?” try open-ended questions like, “Who do you like playing with?” or “Has anyone made you feel sad at school?”
Listen Carefully – Give them your full attention and avoid interrupting.
Summarize What You Hear – Repeat back what they’ve told you to confirm your understanding.
Stay Calm – Reacting angrily may scare your child or make them feel guilty for telling you.
Reassure Them – Let them know it’s not their fault and that you’re going to help.
Avoid saying things like:
"Just ignore them."
"You must stand up for yourself."
"You poor thing, I’ll keep you at home."
Instead, focus on making your child feel heard and supported.
Speaking to the Preschool
Once you have a clearer picture, it’s important to discuss the issue with the preschool. Most preschools have policies on bullying and teachers are trained to handle such situations. Here’s how to approach it:
Make an Appointment – Ask for a private meeting with the teacher.
Stay Calm and Direct – Describe what your child has experienced without accusing anyone.
Ask for Their Perspective – Find out what the teacher has observed and how they handle similar situations.
Discuss a Plan – Work together to address the issue and agree on steps to prevent further bullying.
Follow Up – Keep in touch with the teacher to monitor progress.
Avoid confronting the child who is bullying or their parents directly. This can make the situation worse.
What If the Bullying Doesn’t Stop?
If the bullying continues despite speaking to the preschool, consider taking the following steps:
Keep a record of incidents, including dates and details.
Send a written complaint to the preschool and request a formal response.
If necessary, escalate the matter to the preschool director or management committee.
In extreme cases, consider moving your child to a different preschool.
Supporting Your Child at Home
While working with the preschool, it’s important to give your child extra love and support at home. Here are some ways to help them cope:
Encourage Open Communication – Have daily chats about their day and focus on both the good and bad moments.
Teach Coping Strategies – Help your child practice responses like, “Stop, I don’t like that!” or walking away from a bully.
Role-Playing – Act out different scenarios so they can practice handling difficult situations.
Build Confidence – Engage them in activities that make them feel strong and capable.
Encourage Friendships – Playdates and group activities can help them feel more supported.
What Kids Can Do to Cope With Bullying
While adults should always step in to stop bullying, preschoolers can also learn small ways to handle difficult situations. Teach your child to:
Say “Stop” Firmly – Practicing this at home can help them feel more confident in the moment.
Stay Close to Friends – Bullies are less likely to target a child who isn’t alone.
Ask for Help – Encourage them to tell a teacher when they feel unsafe.
Ignore and Walk Away – If possible, moving away from a bully can de-escalate the situation.
Final Thoughts
Preschool bullying can be distressing, but it’s something that can be managed with the right approach. The key is to act quickly, communicate with the preschool, and support your child emotionally. Remember, preschool is a time for learning and growth—helping your child navigate these challenges will equip them with social skills they’ll use for life.
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